Mary Lou Who?

Pretty vague. But ok.
My name's Mary, I live outside Nashville. I work two jobs and wish I had more free time. But when I have free time I forget all the things I'd decided to do with it. I haven't been making videos lately because I just moved and my life is insane at the moment. I had a New Year's Eve/Housewarming party two nights ago that only 6 friends came to. It was fun, but opened my eyes to the fact that a lot of people don't care. Much more than half of the invitees didn't even bother to RSVP.
I try not to be a bitter person, but I am not happy with my life. I try to identify the things that make me unhappy, but am having little success. I just want to be happy. Or maybe deep down I don't?
I have a hard time with myself. Rationally I know I am interesting, fun, and a good friend, but few seem to recognize it. At least not the ones I want to see. So I start thinking I am actually none of those things. I am unhappy with the reactions I receive from people, and therefore unhappy with myself. And because I am unhappy with myself, I don't receive satisfactory reactions from others.
I know I shouldn't place such value in what others think, and I'm trying to change that. Trying to escape this circle.
So....yeah. Makes me sound terribly insecure and depressed. Which...I guess I am. But I try to live like a normal person and be pleasant most of the time. Though I'm not normal at all.